The Tragic Optimist

Category Archives: infertility

the birds and the bees and the doctors

We got the question at dinner tonight.  You know the one.  We were talking about women having babies and then Zoe asks the obvious next question, “how do you get a baby?”  I wanted to leave it at a woman gets pregnant, Chris tried to make a joke, but Zoe was having none of it, …

Continue reading

telling

I am not good at telling people I’m pregnant (see what I did there?  A bad job of letting you know I’m pregnant).  It’s not that I’m not happy – I’m thrilled.  Or even that I’m in denial or shock – though I admit, I was pretty surprised by this particular development.  I just find …

Continue reading

tilting at windmills

All right, infertility.  I don’t like you, never have, never will.   But you’re a part of life, now, and I’ve come to terms with that.  I know you and in some ways, I’m used to you, now.   You’re like the really rude, annoying, terrible person who happened to go through a long ordeal with …

Continue reading

decluttering

So it looks like we maybe probably will be moving.  We’ve been thinking for a while that we’d like a little bit more space, and especially if we do succeed in having a second child, the extra room would be needed.  So we’ve interviewed a couple of realtors and we’ll choose one some time next …

Continue reading

thoughts from a stall

I took an ovulation predictor kit this afternoon in the college library’s bathroom – it’s where I work.  The library.  Not the bathroom therein.  As I sat there waiting for the dang thing to give me it’s answer, I thought about the fact that anyone going through the trash in this stall would probably think …

Continue reading

yoga plans

With the fall term having started, I’m back to working one evening a week – Wednesdays, this term – so I have Wednesday mornings off.    The current plan is to get back to doing yoga more regularly.  There’s a ton of yoga studios around here, but I really like the non-profit one that’s a …

Continue reading

6 months one hand, half a year the other

It’s been 6 months now since we decided to start trying to get pregnant again.  I haven’t posted much about it, which was pretty much my plan.  At this point when we were trying for Zoe, I had had 4 “normal” cycles, and then completely stopped ovulating, and had already been to the doctor to …

Continue reading

hits a little close to home

Back before I was a librarian, I worked at a software company, spending most of my time there in customer support as a developer, and then supervisor.  When a customer reported a bug, we’d have to fix it, but first, we had to reproduce it.  If we couldn’t reproduce it, we couldn’t fix it, and …

Continue reading

what color is hope?

I’ve mentioned before that my yoga classes is a community ed class taught in a classroom at the local high school.  Last month, the blackboard held a series of questions, no doubt as topics for essays or speeches: What does hope look like to you? – color? – shape? – where is it?  The question …

Continue reading

railing against the human

I had a couple of separate conversations yesterday that ended up touching on getting older and biological clocks and other such unpleasantries.  During the second conversation, I was taken aback at just how incensed I got all of a sudden.  “Fucking biological clocks!”   The words came bursting out of me in a rush, bitter …

Continue reading