I am not good at telling people I’m pregnant (see what I did there? A bad job of letting you know I’m pregnant). It’s not that I’m not happy – I’m thrilled. Or even that I’m in denial or shock – though I admit, I was pretty surprised by this particular development. I just find it surprisingly hard to say those words out loud. To someone else. There’s rarely an easy opening in the conversation, and I find myself tripping and stumbling my way through saying it. I also feel completely graceless and awkward when it comes to dealing with the congratulations, and well-wishes and questions. I think the biggest stumbling block is remembering all the pregnancy announcements I’ve heard, and while I’ve been genuinely happy for everyone involved, there were times when I’d just have to plaster a fake smile on because of the sting. And I worry about who might be pasting their smile on and inwardly stinging, and I hate that I might be the source of the sting.
But I want to be open about this and I want people to know, so I don’t really have any choice but to put on my big girl pants and do it. I wanted to post earlier on the blog (I’ve known for 3 weeks now), but given that my blog is read by a lot of people who know me in real life, we felt like we needed to make sure things were announced in a somewhat proper order. I think I am going to post this to facebook (hi to anyone from there), if only because then I only need to write this once. And I do know that it’s still very early, and there is a chance that the pregnancy won’t lead to a baby, but again, I want to be open, and if something were to happen, I want to be able to lean on friends for support.
The one person we haven’t needed to tell is Zoe. As I mentioned a while back, she recently started talking about having a baby sister, as if it was inevitable (I do love the faith of a 3 year old). The night before I tested, she told me she wanted a blanket for the baby she was getting on her birthday. I asked if that meant that she wanted a new baby doll for her birthday, and she looked at me as if I was stupid and said, “no, the real baby I’m getting on my birthday.” I’m due two days after her birthday.
If you are someone that feels a sting from this – for whatever reason – I sympathize, so much. And I’m sorry. I wish I knew the perfect way of announcing with no sting.