The Tragic Optimist

railing against the human

I had a couple of separate conversations yesterday that ended up touching on getting older and biological clocks and other such unpleasantries.  During the second conversation, I was taken aback at just how incensed I got all of a sudden.  “Fucking biological clocks!”   The words came bursting out of me in a rush, bitter and angry.  I don’t normally curse, but I did then.  I’m not one to get worked up, but all of a sudden I was just mad.  How is it fair that once we’ve finally found out who we are and what we want, once we’ve finally worked out who we want to be with, we then find out that we’re starting to skirt the edges of waning fertility.  You get to the point where you think you might be capable, responsible and settled enough to have a child only to run up against “advanced maternal age.”  Of course, I know there’s no perfect time to have kids, and I know that there isn’t a set date where your body suddenly shuts it’s uterus down, but it still just annoys the heck out of me.  And worse, there’s no one to rail against.  No politician has made this into a law.  It’s not the patriarchy that’s doing this to us.  There’s no “big fertility” lobby that has ruined it for the little guy (or gal).  It’s just stupid human nature.  Fucking biological clock.  The infertile in me wants to run screaming to anyone who knows they want children to start trying now.  The biological realities are just that: realities.  And reality isn’t fair.  The librarian, the professional in me – the one that loves her job, and is thankful that she was able to go back to school and get her degree for it – would never tell someone to have kids as early as possible.  She knows that you can be a very good mother and have a very satisfying career.  She doesn’t think you should have to choose or put the career off until any children you have are in school.   Usually the librarian side wins.  The infertile side curses and stomps in anger.

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7 Comments

  1. yeah….ain’t life that way though? I’m the first person to rail against the unfairness of it all believe me (I have a tendency in my personality to whine at the universe in a “why me” sorta way…). Then again, I have slowly discovered that it is precisely when I try to plan out my life that it gets screwed up, and when I let it be things tend to work out.

    So here’s hoping that’s the case in this one!!!

  2. it is lame that our bodies just don’t listen to us!! i think its ok to let that infertile side of you stomp around in anger once in a while!

  3. Kacia

    Ugh, I hear you. I’m now looking at being 39 by the time I’ll be done with residency (assuming I get into med school on the next go ’round), and that’s really pushing the limits of safe childbearing. Of course, that’s if we decide to have kids–but by pursuing med school, am I effectively choosing NOT to have kids?? I feel like my own body’s time schedule is forcing me to make decisions (about having/not having kids) that are completely unrelated to the actual decisions (to go back to school) I’m trying to make. Damn biological clocks. 😛

  4. Kacia

    Also, that was NOT a smiley at the end of my post–that was a face with a tongue sticking out!! Silly WordPress.

  5. Eve

    I hate my biological clock! Especially since my battery seems to be wearing out early. I’ll share your curseing sentiments!

  6. I have the same thoughts on my bleeping biological clock. So many times I have wondered if getting pregnant would have been easier if I had started sooner. But it always boils down to – I didn’t WANT to be pregnant then.

  7. Popped in from the crème de la crème list.

    I’ve shaken my fist at the biological clock too, and at society for not adapting to it better.

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